shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
