I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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