I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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