i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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