I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
