First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
