do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
where are my eyebrows?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
