i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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