I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
