he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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