He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
