walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
