We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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