Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
