Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
