you guys were way drunker than both of me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
