Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
