I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
