Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
