I want to make a zoo with you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
