DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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