oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
