I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We had to coat check the pizza.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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