Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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