I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
