He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
