He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
