wakey wakey hands off snakey
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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