FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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