who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
