bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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