weddingsv make me drug and hornr
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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