you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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