Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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