is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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