I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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