I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
