dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
