He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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