4 words: hood of his car
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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