I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
