also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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