I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
