Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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