you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
