alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Shame - the story of my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
