I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
