Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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