WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You took a bar mat shot.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
