We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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