My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
