Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
