3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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