You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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