I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
