Non-Jews are for practice
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
