Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
