If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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