If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
