No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
