I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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