Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
