If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
