drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
