You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
