woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We have started to decorate penises.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
