I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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