Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want to be your penis for a week.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
