I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
