Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
