3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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