To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
