His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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