Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
