I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
