I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize