Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
