About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
