I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
