I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
