just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
