Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
