Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize