I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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