i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
