I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
