you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
